What are good coaching questions?

Questions, Questions, Who's Got the Questions?

Last week, a dear friend who is a relatively new coach asked me if I could recommend a book of exceptional coaching questions to her. She mentioned feeling stuck on how to begin sessions with clients and feeling unsure of how to guide the session.

Although I really wanted to help her, I don't think about coaching questions that way. I don’t use a book, script, or formula. While there are likely some great books about coaching questions, I don't have any.

Instead, I ensure I'm fully present, listen to my gut, and lean into my greatest curiosity about the topic. I ask what I'm dying to know. If I'm a little bit apprehensive about asking a question, that's a good sign. If the client responds with silence, that's a very good sign.

I think of it as daring to ask the question I really want to know. For example, what's the story behind the way the client is presenting what they are discussing? How is the client narrating (coloring, couching, or obfuscating) the story? Then we go spelunking together. I call it "riding the lightning".

By the way, if I sense the client isn't ready for a big question, I may remind them that I'm there to help them. I only want to make them compassionately uncomfortable, not withdrawn, hurt, or in pain. Let's both explore and not judge. Also, I may remind them that they do not have to answer anything they do not feel comfortable answering. Coaching is always meant to be supportive, even if it is hard sometimes. Timing can be important.